60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For

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Print 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For Close 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For The following risky activities, decadent foods, and otherwise foolhardy indulgences are detrimental to your health. You will, however, not perish in vain. 1. Danger dogs. The Tijuana delicacy -- a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo -- has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate. See also: 2. Jersey bre
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  Print 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For Close 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For The following risky activities, decadent foods, and otherwise foolhardy indulgencesare detrimental to your health. You will, however, not perish in vain.1. Danger dogs. The Tijuana delicacy -- a hot dog wrapped inbacon, fried, and topped with mayo -- hasmade its way to San Diego and Los Angeles,sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, andwherever hungry drunks congregate. Seealso:  2. Jersey breakfast dogs.  An East Coast derivative with scrambledeggs and melted cheese. 3. Surfing Teahupoo, Tahiti.  Unbelievable swells that roll over a shallowcoral reef. Catch a wave and you're flying;bail and you're bleeding. 4. Giving a buddy a kidney.  You only need one. Hopefully. 5. Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia Coffee & Tea. A triple. Note the exceedingly heavy body, with chocolate, caramel, and dried-fruit notes. Alsonote that you're vibrating. That means it's working. intelligentsiacoffee.com. 6. Lyle Sankey's Vision Quest Bull Riding Adventure Experience, Branson, Missouri. The Web sitesays it well: We work hard to match the livestock with your abilities, but we can'tmake you an athlete, change your mental or physical condition, or help you lose weight in athree or four day session. Come into this realizing that Rodeo is NOT tee ball. Of course, if thebull really pisses you off, you can seek revenge on his kind at the... 7. Bullfighting school at the California Academy of Tauromaquia.   http://www.esquire.com/print-this/60things0507 (1 of 12)4/19/2007 9:04:34 AM  Print 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For One of the only (legal) bullfighting schools in the country. Someone's getting wounded in thisbattle. Hopefully, it's the bull. (Visit their Website for more information.) 8. Butter.   9. Drugs.10. Cream puffs. The best are available at the Wisconsin State Fair for two weeks every August. 11. Blowhole diving. Jump in and get sucked by the current through tunnels forged over thousands of years of erosion. Timing is everything. It should feel like being flushed down a toilet, not like smashingyour face on rock. Hone your skills at the easy one in Laguna Beach. (Ask a local.) 12. Punching Barry Bonds in the face. 13. A Little Downhill . Hard: Corbet's Couloir, Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Congratulate yourself for nailing that 15-foot mandatory air at the top, but try notto slam your skull into the soaring rock wall if you fail to wrench an immediate,impossibly sharp left turn. Harder: Silverton Mountain, Colorado. The owners of this one-lift wonder hurl bombs to avoid avalanches, but that's theextent of the pampering: no signs marking the claustrophobic glades and chutesas narrow as coffins. Avalanche beacons and shovels required -- for real. Downright nuts: Helicopter skiing the Chugach Range, Alaska. Staring down the descents would terrify you -- if they didn't fall away in concavepitches so steep you can't see them. Riders who wipe out tend to cartwheel a longway because they're mostly falling in space, reconnecting with snow every 40 feetor so. -- Rob Story 14. Chopped Liver I was not raised by daring Jews. Nor were they brainy and accomplished. ThisJunior of Zion was saddled with no family legacy of piety, wisdom, or Talmudicscholarship. My people were chosen for bubkes , peasants in both countries, Oldand New. http://www.esquire.com/print-this/60things0507 (2 of 12)4/19/2007 9:04:34 AM  Print 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For I’ll tell you what we had: We had chopped liver. Hankering to defy death? Tryschmaltz, hard-boiled eggs, organ meat, and onions, all ground to a coarse pâté,thumbed up from the bowl on thick heels of seeded rye. Add salt. Then we’ll speakof risky feats and cardiologic derring-do.Its earthy serf-feed roots are blatant -- no one ever kvetched, What am I,beluga? -- and yet chopped liver lives on as a great delicacy savored whereverJews gather to fress like chozzerim -- which is, quite frankly, how Jews love toeat. The last platter I devoured -- airy, creamy, nothing that my thick-fingeredBubbe would have recognized -- was floating on a bed of lettuce in a poyer -freedeli in Beverly Hills. It certainly wasn’t bad -- gehakteh leber simply can’t be bad-- but it wasn’t Gram’s.Bad for you? Hell is yonder, full of hungry, heart-healthy bastards; heaven’shither, beaming from that laminated menu in your hands. Quick! Before that white-smocked cossack comes to pump up the blood-pressure cuff. -- Scott Raab 15. Smoking Cubans (In Cuba). Until night, it's Guilt City, Havana. Especially from the top of the Parque Centralhotel, rising high and new out of the nearruins, with its rooftop pool and bar andrich Germans browning in the last of the sun that's been cooking the poorstreetbounds since morning. After dark, it's easier to forget what surrounds you,because you can't see the poverty; only the hotels stand out, like stars against thenight, foreign currency having trumped the day's electricity rations. In thedistance: the historic Hotel Nacional, where you wandered this afternoon on thelazy hunt for cigars. Not Cohibas -- every fat-fuck turista down here smokesCohibas -- but a box of Sancho Panzas, cheap and creamy and drawing enoughheady smoke to begin choking out the last strains of ill feeling. The rum assists --in mojitos, drunk through straws stuck in a pile of wet sugar at the bottom -- asdo the cheeseburgers, grind-house bloody, because there are no surgeons generalto mind your store in Cuba. Nobody cares if you die down here. And at last, justnow, spitting out the end of your night's fourth cigar, ordering another rummydrink, your belly full and warm with still-kicking meat, you don't care, either. -- Chris Jones 16. A night on the town with Kiefer Sutherland.   17. Deep-fried Twinkies. http://www.esquire.com/print-this/60things0507 (3 of 12)4/19/2007 9:04:34 AM  Print 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For 18. The schmaltz at Sammy's Roumanian, New York. One tablespoon of pure rendered chicken fat contains nearly 13 grams of fat, 11 grams of cholesterol, and 115 calories. Delicious on steak or drizzled over bread. 19. The Ramos ginfizz. In a cocktail shaker, dissolve 1 tbsp sugar in 1 tbsp water. Add:ã 1 1/2 ounce Tanqueray ginã 1/2 ounce lemon juiceã 1/2 ounce lime juiceã 1 ounce heavy creamã white of 1 fresh eggã 3 drops -- not dashes -- of orange flower water Fill with cracked ice and shake lustily for a long, long time, and then strain into a tall glass. Add1 oz chilled seltzer, stir briefly, and then smile. 20. Paragliding Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, Wyoming. Dangerously close to that wall we call the Grand Tetons. Especially if you lack knowledge of tricky thermal currents. 21. Smashing the cameras of paparazzi mercilessly houndingAngie,Scarlett, orHalle. 22. Oysters Mosca at Mosca's in Avondale, Louisiana. A baked casserole brimming with two dozen oysters in garlic and butter with a breaded topping.A night ender. 23. Mountain biking in Moab, Utah. Possible dehydration, heatstroke, and disorientation. Probably the most inspiring panoramayou'll ever see. 24. The Fat Darrell at the R. U. Grill & Pizza in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Considering his namesake sandwich is made up of chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, and frenchfries, it's a wonder that Darrell is still with us (and trim). 25. Testing your cold-weather driving skills in Arjeplog, Sweden. Where auto engineers converge to drive at high speeds on frozen lakes. They seek automotiveinnovation; you seek 75-mile-per-hour doughnuts. Beginners should first try the  Porsche Camp4 Colorado Winter Driving School -- ice slaloms in a 911 Carrera. 26. Combo No. 4 atthe Varsity in Athens, Georgia.  For $6.90, you get a tray of Americana and grease: a chili cheese dog, a chili cheeseburger,french fries or onion rings, and a medium drink. Upgrade to the Frosted Orange for 30 centsmore. http://www.esquire.com/print-this/60things0507 (4 of 12)4/19/2007 9:04:34 AM
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