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THE ENGINOODS “We ain’t affilliated with nobody” CLASSIFIEDS Lost-one sense of decency. Barely used, answers to “sparky”. If found, bludgeon into submission. Found-One large knobby dildo-Initials “DC” on end. Please claim at the bar in POETS (proof of ownership will be required). Roommate wanted-Single female with loose morals and large breasts wanted to share house/bed with Electrical Engineering graduate. Rent negotiable. Leave message on Poets blackboard for “Desperate” â
  ENGINOODS THE “We ain’t affilliated with nobody”“Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot” T HE ENGINOODS I NVADE   THE I NTERNET ! And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you! Leanne Whiteley Salutes the Noods “I’m jelous that Dave Clegg gets all theattention in the enginoods”Lost-one sense of decency. Barely used, answers to “sparky”. If found, bludgeon into submission.Found-One large knobby dildo-Initials “DC” on end. Please claim at the bar in POETS (proof of ownership will berequired).Roommate wanted-Single female with loose morals and large breasts wanted to share house/bed with ElectricalEngineering graduate. Rent negotiable. Leave message on Poets blackboard for “Desperate”“Room” for rent-Canvas tent for rent on corner of University and Albert. Close to campus, utilities included, $475/month. Just come by!Donations Wanted-The “We don’t get paid enough for this shit” foundationneeds your help. Please place donations in the Noods mailbox in the orifice.Receipts provided on request.Goat Wanted-Any condition or colour. Contact Alex M (shit, that gives toomuch away, just print A. Matan)Wanted:Free Hats. Contact Noods editors.Corpses needed for medical experiments and buffet dinner. Only recentlydeceased please, and no fat chicks. Contact asoc_prez@engmailFor Sale: University of Waterloo Faculty of Engineering, available to highest(or first) bidder. Make us an offer! Contact D. Johnston.Lost: One set of keys. Looks like the ones in the Iron Warrior. If anyone’sseen them, please contact iwarrior@engmailLost: Virginity. No message, just wanted to gloat (Fanboy) Needed for new Band: Singer, Lead guitar, Rhythm Guitar, Drummer, Bassguitar and spider monkey. Contact each other, and make sure we get our cutof the contract (or at least the monkey).Wanted: Submissions. Contact noods02@hotmail.comWanted: Enginoods budget. Contact asoc_exec@engmail (we really mean it,we’d like a budget!) CLASSIFIEDS  “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” BEER - IS COMINGBEER - IS COMINGBEER - IS COMINGBEER - IS COMINGBEER - IS COMING Where everybody knows your beer’s name. Totals Class Name <INSERT TOTALS HERE (DAN?)> PBD TOTALS Quotations A little bit of beer is divine medicine. — ParacelsusI’m Catholic and I can’t commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death. — Jack KerouacFilled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chambers of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today. — Edgar Allan PoeMost people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice. — Winston ChurchillIt was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer. — Ernest HemingwayA drink a day keeps the shrink away. — Edward AbbeyWhen I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. — Dave BarryAll the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinkingBarry Manilow beer. — Dave BarryBeer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health. — Thomas JeffersonYou don’t like jail? Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there. — Charles BukowskiDo not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, andcelebrate the good days. — Ancient Egytian proverbMany battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. — Frederick the GreatI recommend bread, meat, vegetables, and beer. — SophoclesI work until beer o’clock. — Stephen KingReality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. — W.C. Fields... For we could not now take time for further search or consideration: our victuals being much spent, especially our beere. — Mayflower logbook entry, 1620  “Did he say ‘making fuck?’” Fanboy’s NOODs Submission #2 Still using word. So... no Free Hat. Chinese COKE: Coca-Cola was first rendered in Chinese as Ku-kou-ko-le. Coke did not discover until after1000s of signs had been printed that thephrase means “Bite the wax tadpole” or“Female horse stuffed with wax” depending onthe dialect.Coke eventually settled on “Ke-kou-ke-le,”which can be loosely translated as “happinessin the mouth.” - Wax tadpole? That’s a new name for it… - Fanboy   Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday 23% Tuesday 40% Wednesday 20% Thursday 5% Friday  Real Co-op Philosopy of WaterlooStudents  Since nobody submitted to last weeks contest, we’ll make it really easy for you this time. Write a classified ad. Period. Easy. Simple. No-brainer.Submit FREEly to for HAT “Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark’s in the salsa, our shark.” T HE E NGINOODS F  AN M  AIL ! W HICH   WE   HAD   TO   WRITE   MOST   OF   BECAUSE   YOU   DIDIN ’ T . WERE YOU OFFENDED? If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to: If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and thisshit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon. No Joke Submissions by Whining Loser. Hey, I’ve got an idea for you useless nimwits. Instead of printing Fanboy’s unfunny shit, AND bitching about how hardit is to print Fanboy’s unfunny shit, AND subjecting yourselves to ranting emails about how unfunny Fanboy’s unfunnyshit is, how about you fuckers DO SOME GODDAMN WORK and show us something that really IS funny. Inciden-tally, that Fanboy page was very unfunny, and I think it’s fair to say it was shit!Drakir  So you’re saying that fanboy’s shit is unfunny and you don’t want to see another  page of the noods soiled by fanboy’s shit? Here’s the thing, since Fanboybothered to actually submit some shit, while you have yet to submit any shit,might I suggest that you either shit or get off the pot. As far as us doing some fucking work. Why should we? Do we get paid for this shit? (No) Do we havetime for this shit? (No) Do we really give a shit? (No) So as a response to your  shitty reply, perhaps instead of complaining about shit you could try writing your own shit, and we might be able to get better shit out instead of fanboy’s shit which I do agree is fairly shitty. Shit. Noods Editors Final note: What kind of gaytarded name is “Drakir” anyway? You’re probablyone of those D&D losers, aren’t you? In that case, roll a 20 sided die, and thentake that many copies of this week’s noods, roll em up real tight, and shove themup your fucking ass you fucking whiner. Dear Enginoods;You’ll find no submission from me this week. Fucking rabbi midget bar jokes aretough to come by. I’d like nothing more than to take that fuck Clegg for a ride butyou have denied me. So I guess someone else will have to write your shitty back  page. Better luck next time, cocks.Suck my Willy WonkaWhining Loser  Thanks for trying. For that, you get a Free Hat! And of course, you’re still appearing on our last page. The Dean has decided that from now on, all Tool Bearers arerequired to look like this. We also agree that both hoods andcoveralls are inappropriate for the new sleek look of Engineering.
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