Stan is riding in the back seat. His father is driving with his mom in the passenger seat. Both of them are dressed up.

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INT. S PARENT S CAR - MOVING Stan is riding in the back seat. His father is driving with his mom in the passenger seat. Both of them are dressed up. I don t want to go to this stupid party! Come on, Stan,
INT. S PARENT S CAR - MOVING Stan is riding in the back seat. His father is driving with his mom in the passenger seat. Both of them are dressed up. I don t want to go to this stupid party! Come on, Stan, you re gonna have a great time. No, YOU GUYS are going to have a great time. Whenever there s a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the KIDS spend the night locked in the basement eating stale pretzels. Well your mom and I don t get out much, so you ll just have to bear through it. EXT. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT Mackey s house is all lit up. Little bags of candles light the walkway. There is a banner that says METEOR PARTY! There are cars parked everywhere. INT. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT Mr. Mackey answers his door, wearing a nice shirt and die. MR. MACKEY Hello! Welcome! Stan s father and mother smile in the doorway. Stan stands between them with his head down. MR. MACKEY (cont d) This is already a wild party! Yeah, well, sorry we had to bring the kid along. We had nowhere else to put him. MR. MACKEY Oh, that s okay, I ve got a special Kids room down in the basement! Aw! They walk through the crowded party. MR. MACKEY Be sure to help yourself to the crab souffle and the... (calling out) Juanita! Juanita! We need some more finger sandwiches! Juanita goes running past. INT. MACKEY S HOUSE - BASEMENT Mr. Mackey leads Stan and his parents down the steps. I don t want to hang out in the kids room. I won t know anybody! Well, It ll be good for you to make new friends. You can t just hang out with your buddy Kyle all the time. People will think you re... you know... funny. I bet you ll have a great time. MR. MACKEY Here we go! It s right in here- Mr. Mackey opens the door. Stan walks in. INT. KIDS ROOM - BASEMENT When Stan walks in, his face drops. For the room is totally stark. Bare, except for maybe one poster on one wall. In the middle of the room, stand three very nerdy kids;, BUTTERS, and DOUGIE, a little curly-haired first grader. They just stand there and stare at Stan. Blink, blink. We ll be upstairs if you need anything, Stan. Stan grabs on to his father s pant leg. Dad, you can t leave me here these guys are total Melvins. S MOTHER Have fun, Stanly! No, mom, please- They re the geekiest kids at our school! MR. MACKEY We ll come get you kids when the meteor shower starts. With that the door closes, and Stan is trapped inside the room. He turns again and looks at the three nerds. The three nerds stare back. Stan turns around and tries the doorknob. No good, it s locked. Stan turns back around. Cheerio Stan, I do say it s quite a nice surprise seeing you here. Shut up, Pip. BUTTERS Hey Stan! Wow, I m sure glad your here cuz then we ll have even more fun than we was havin before. We were having an awfully good time before you showed up too, however. Stan looks at Butters. Butters... Is there a way out of here? BUTTERS Nope. No way out. But there ain t nothing upstairs but a ol stupid party anyways. It s better down here in the kids room! This here is Dougie. He s not too old but he sure is a hoot to hang with! He s in first grade, I think! DOUGIE I like math. Oh my God. We were just playing a game called Wickershams n Decklers! Do you want to play?! No. I m the Head Wicker-Knicker. And you are all little wickershams. We all sing the Merry Toon of Stratford until I yell CHURRAH! And then you all fall down laughing and I join you as I find it funny too. Stan, would you be the wickershamble-brumble briar? Stan just stands there and stares for a long time. And says nothing. Well, alright here we go- (singing) Whippy-Tippy Too Too BUTTERS/DOUGIE Whippy-Tippy Too Too Tra La la La BUTTERS/DOUGIE Tra La la la... Stan looks real bummed. He turns around and tries the doorknob again. INT. MACKEY S HOUSE - UPSTAIRS The party is in full swing now. Kyle s parents and Stan s parents are at the punch bowl with Mackey. Mr. Garrison walks up, already a little tipsy. MR. GARRISON Great party, Mr. Mackey! Mr. Hat just grabbed Principal Victoria s ass! Garrison passes on through frame with Mr. Hat leading the way. MR. GARRISON No! Mr. Hat you get back here! MACKEY Anyone for some Meteor Mai-Tai punch? It packs quite a wallop! Mackey downs a big ol gulp. S MOM Oh, I ll pass. I don t drink hard alcohol. MACKEY Come on, loosen up! Meteor showers only come along once in a great while! Mackey hands Kyle s mom a glass of the stuff. One little drink isn t going to hurt anything honey. Come on, live a little! Kyle s mom looks at the punch. S MOM Well, it is kind of a special night. I guess I could experiment. Yeah, experiment! She takes a sip and nods approvingly. INT. MACKEY S HOUSE - BASEMENT While Pip, Butters and Dougie play Wickershams and Decklers, Stan sits sadly in the corner. In the background, the others are on the ground laughing uncontrollably. NERDS Whippy-Tippy Too Too Tra La la La Wickersham! TALLY HO!!!! Are you sure you don t want to play Stanly! Yes. DOUGIE What are you a sourpuss? BUTTERS You really otta play, Stan. It s an awfully fun game. I ve never been to England but I ll bet the people there are real nice. Are people nice in England Pip? I bet they are, huh, they got those thick noses and all. Stan covers his ears with his hands. Hey! Look at this! The others run over. BUTTERS What is it? Is it something neat? I wonder what it could be? BOX POV - Pip is looking in a box. around. All the others gather It s a box filled with ladies clothes! Stan pulls out a bra. Neat-o! DOUGIE BUTTERS Hey you know what we could do with these ladies clothes? Why we could play Charlie s Angels! Oh, dude, you ve got to be kidding me. Oh yes, let s! Can I be Jacquelyn Smith? Can I? BUTTERS No, I get to be Jacquelyn Smith. I thought of Charlie s Angels. I get to be Jacquelyn Smith cause I thought of it. Oh, this sounds as fun as Wickershams and Decklers. Pip starts pulling out clothes and handing them out. Come on Angels, let s get dressed! Pip walks over to where Stan is sitting with some ladies clothes. Which ladies garments would you like, Stan. Dude. I m not putting on ladies clothes. And I m not playing Charlie s Angels. You guys are Melvins, and I m not one of you. So you go ahead and be Melvins and leave me alone. Well... Alrighty then. Pip walks away. Stan puts his head back in his lap. INT. MACKEY S HOUSE - DECK Mackey has a nice deck in the backyard. It has a hot tub that is almost as cool as Trey s in it. Some people are partying on the deck, just drinking beers and talking. Mackey walks in, showing Stan and Kyle s parents the tub. MR. MACKEY Here it is. I just had the hot tub put in last week. Wow, neat! KYLE S MOM It looks quite inviting! MR. MACKEY Yeah, you can get a lot of action when you have a hot tub. S MOTHER Oh, Mr. Mackey, you nut! Hell, we should get in! Yeah! MR. MACKEY Sure go ahead. It s a party isn t it, mkay! S MOTHER Oh I m not hot tubbing. I have nothing to wear. MR. MACKEY (Laughing) That s okay! KYLE S MOM No hot tub for me. Well screw you guys- Kyle s dad tears off his clothes and jumps in the tub. SPLASH! I m getting in for a while too! Stan s dad rips off his clothes. (cont d) GERONIMO!!! And jumps in. SPLASH! S MOTHER (Laughing) Look at our boys, Sheila! It s just like they re in college again! INT. MACKEY S HOUSE - BASEMENT Pip, Butters and Dougie are all gathered around dressed like ladies. Okay Angels, what s our mission this week? Nobody says anything. BUTTERS I don t know what our mission is. Do you know what our mission is, little first grade kid? DOUGIE How should I know? They just stand there for a while. Stan is still sitting right where we left him. Oh dear... We re Charlie s Angels but we don t have a mission... BUTTERS Hey, that s because we need Bosley. Bosley always told the Angels what their mission was. Remember Bosley? We need somebody to be Bosley. The boys think for a second and then look to Stan. What? The nerds scatter. Well, we hate to trouble you, Stan, but would you mind terribly being Bosley for us? What do I have to do? BUTTERS You just gotta tell us what our mission is. That s all. That s all Bosley does. Just give a mission and us Angels will accomplish it. Alright. Alright, here s your mission... In ten minutes this room is going to fill up with water and drown everybody. You have to find me a way out of this room... FAST. Oh that s a SPLENDID mission! BUTTERS Well what are we waiting for? We gotta find a way out of this room, by golly, or else we re all gonna get drowned! Come on, Angels! DOUGIE Which Angel am I again? EXT. MACKEY S HOUSE - DECK Kyle s dad and Stan s dad bubble in the hot tub. Oh boy, it s nice to have a night off without the kids. Yeah, I know what you mean. I love having a family and all, I just... Miss being able to party. Drinking, socializing, experimenting with all kinds of different things. Well that s what being YOUNG is all about. Once you have a family and a career, your experimenting days are over. But tonight is the exception! That s why I m gonna smoke this cigar, only cause I ve never smoked before! Kyle s dad lights a cigar. Good idea! What haven t you tried that you always wanted to try? I don t know... Maybe I ll drink a few more beers and see where the party takes me! Yeah! They sit there for a second. Was that your leg? Huh? Oh, you mean this? Yeah. A weird silence. Yeah, that was me. INT. KIDS ROOM - BASEMENT Pip walks up to Stan, who is still sitting on the floor. Bosley! Bosley! What, Pip? Oh, no, no, no... My name is Sabrina Duncan. Remember? We re playing Charlie s Angels. What the hell do you want?! Well, we completed our mission. Jill found a way upstairs. He did?! On the other side of the room, Butter and Dougie are standing next to an open vent. The grill has been removed. Stan and Pip walk up. Airshaft. DOUGIE BUTTERS Dougie pushed that big box out of the way and found this old ventilation duct. I reckon it s got to lead somewhere and it s good cause now we won t drown! So, Bosley, what s our next mission? We re going upstairs! BUTTERS Upstairs? Why there ain t nothin upstairs but adults why would we wanna go upstairs for? Because, you stupid MELVINS, they have rad food and deserts upstairs! Stan gets on his hands and knees and heads into the airshaft. EXT. MACKEY S HOUSE - HOT TUB Stan and Kyle s dads are still in the hot tub. Hey, did you Principal Victoria in there? She looks HOT! She sure does! I wouldn t mind taking THAT home! Oh yeah, I m sure your wife would LOVE that! I wish. That s the one thing I ve always thought of experimenting with. A threesome! With two girls or two guys? Well, two GIRLS of course! I mean... With another guy... That d be... A pause. The hot tub goes burble, burble. You never had a homosexual fantasy? Not that I have. You haven t? No, I mean. Well, they say everybody has at some point... Don t they? Now there is a VERY LONG, VERY uncomfortable pause. Well... I never really wanted to experiment with anything too crazy. Maybe just... I don t know... Masturbate in front of another guy... Yeah... Well... That s not really gay, is it. No,, no, I don t think so... Well, it is a night for experimenting. It sure is. Okay... I ll start. Stan s dad pops out a little, water splashes. EXT. IN FRONT OF MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT We see Mr. Mackey s house through green, night vision goggles. The view through the goggles ZOOMS IN through a window, where several people are seen walking around. Then the view PANS OVER to another window, more people can be seen. Now we see the holder of the goggles. A large ATF COMMANDER, knelt down amongst the thistle. All around him are other ATF soldiers, at least a couple dozen. And black vans that say ATF on them. Make sure we see lots of ATF everywhere. He pulls the goggles down and leans over to the ATF OFFICER next to him. This must be the place. They ve got all kinds of crazy things going on in there. The officer next to him pulls the walkie, which is attached to his coat, up to his mouth. ATF OFFICER Code Seven. We believe we have found the compound. Request immediate backup. Officer Barbrady walks in, standing up. OFFICER BARBRADY Okay, so just what is going on here, people? GET DOWN! The ATF commander grabs Barbrady by the pant leg and pulls him down next him. What? OFFICER BARBRADY It s just like we told you, Officer. There is a religious cult in there that plans to commit mass suicide when the meteor shower starts. OFFICER BARBRADY Are you sure? Of course we re sure! We re the beareau of Alcohol, tobacco and firearms! It s our JOB to know what MUSIC STING! these fanatics do! OFFICER BARBRADY So what does the ATF do when religious fanatics are gonna commit mass suicide? Oh don t worry, we won t let that happen. Even if it means we have to kill each and every one of them. ACT II EXT. IN FRONT OF MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT The tactical force outside of Mackey s house is growing. A few tanks roll up, along with several new police cars. What s the situation? ATF OFFICER Apparently we ve got at least five dozen men and women in there who intend to commit suicide when the meteor shower starts. Any luck talking to somebody in the house? ATF OFFICER We ve tried calling but there s no answer. I think we re gonna have to move in, sir. Alright, Johnston! Sir! ATF JOHNSTON I m sending you in. Watch your ass. Yes sir! ATF JOHNSTON Johnston jumps up and runs towards the house. When he gets to the door, he throws his back up against it and catches his breath. He waits a beat, the rings the doorbell, still carefully poised with his back to the wall. The door opens. MR. MACKEY Oh come on in! Join the party! INT. MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM Johnston walks in and see that - The party is going quite nicely. Everybody seems pretty smashed, as Mackey hands out more alcohol. MR. MACKEY Would you like a meteor mai tai? ATF JOHNSTON Hey, I love Mai Tais! Johnston grabs a drink and joins the party. TILT DOWN to a grill on the wall. The screws pop out, and one by one, Stan and the Melvins crawl out. We did it! Great job angels!! BUTTER So what s our mission now, Huh, Bosley? What do you want us to do now I wonder? Alright, angels... Your next mission is to get Bosley some cookies and a TV set. What kind of cookies do you want, Bosley? I don t care. Just hurry! Hooray! BUTTER EXT. MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - DECK The two dads are getting dressed next to the hot tub. They say nothing as they button up their shirts and towel off their heads. Stan s dad sits down to tie up his shoes. Kyle s dad starts feeding his belt through the loops of his pants. So... Well... That was certainly... Interesting. Yeah... You don t regret doing it now, do you? No, no... What s there to regret, right? I mean... All we did was watch each other... masturbate. That s not gay or anything. We said so. Right? That s right. It was just harmless experimenting. (Getting up) Well, let s just get back into the party and see what everybody s doing. Stan s dad heads in. Hey... Stan s dad stops. Nothing changes between us, right? I mean, we re still friends? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. EXT. IN FRONT OF MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT The ATF teams stands poised and ready to go. Dammit! Where is Johnston?! ATF OFFICER No communication sir. It doesn t look good for him. Those BASTARDS! INT. MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM The party is raging. Loud music, everybody laughing and drinking, including Johnston who is now drunk off his ass. Mr. Mackey is leading a couple to the front door. MAN Great party, Mr. Mackey, thank you so much. MR. MACKEY Are you sure you have to leave so early? WOMAN We both have to be up early tomorrow, but thanks again! MR. MACKEY Mkay, drive carefully, mkay. They walks out the door, Mackey closes it. EXT. IN FRONT OF MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT As soon as the couple walks down the steps of the porch, a large spotlight hits them. The couple freezes. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! (cont d) Whatever it is you are intending to do. Do NOT DO IT. The couple looks confused. (cont d) Your freaky religious cult will NOT SUCCEED IN ITS PLAN! What? MAN DO NOT MOVE OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT- BLAM!!! BLAM!!!! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!! Suddenly, the couple falls to the ground, dead. God dammit who was that?! All the ATF guys raise their hands. Silence... Did you see them move?! I did. Yeah. TOM BILL JON Yeah, they moved alright. INT. MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM Stan s dad is standing with several other men, drinking beer and talking about football. JIMBO Well, I ll tell you what, we may not have Elway this year, but Brister won every game he started in last year! BURLY TOWNSPERSON That s true, but Elway was the heart of the team. Who s the leader now? ANOTHER TOWNSPERSON I think the Jets are gonna be the team to beat this year in the AFC. Yeah. Hey, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay? Screeeech. The talking comes to a halt. Everyone stares at Stan s dad. Silence... What? JIMBO Silence... Well, I just... I have this buddy, see... And he sat and watched another guy play with himself... BURLY TOWNSPERSON Well... Let s go KICK HIS ASS! MEN YEAH!! JIMBO Where is he? Oh. He lives in like... Florida. Aw! BURLY TOWNSPERSON The guys walk away. Kyle s dad walks up to Stan s dad. Hey Randy. Stan s dad immediately looks uncomfortable. What are you doing? Nothing. Silence. (cont d) Uh... I m gonna go get some chips. Can I come with you? Stan s dad rolls his eyes. Okay... INT. MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - MACKEY S BEDROOM BUTTER Come right on in here, Bosley! Stan follows Butter into Mackey s Bedroom, carrying his bag of cookies. Pip and Dougie are already standing there. BUTTER It was my idea. I got to thinkin, where to people keep TV sets, and then I remembered that lots of grown-ups have TVs in their bedrooms, so I walked into Mr. Mackey s bedroom, and sure enough here it was. Rad! Stan grabs the remote and turns the Tv on. He sits on the bed and watches TV. Okay, Bosley, we got you cookies and a TV set. So what s our next mission? There are no more missions. I have everything I want. Stan flips through a few stations. The Melvins stand there, staring at Stan looking lost. BUTTER We ain t got no more missions? What are we supposed to do? We re angels, what do angels do without missions? Just PLAY SOMETHING ELSE!!! GOD!!! The melvins look slapped. Oh dear... We have angered Bosley. Stan flips to another station, it is -- EXT. IN FRONT OF MR. MACKEY S HOUSE - NIGHT A newscaster stands in front of Mackey s house, surrounded by ATF, FBI, tanks and lights. NEWSCASTER Tom I m standing in front of a house, where a religious CULT is planning to commit mass suicide when the meteor shower starts. Woa, cool! DOUGIE I wanna be a reporter someday! NEWSCASTER Just moments ago, a couple emerged from the house-- Black and white photo of the couple we saw earlier standing at the door. NEWSCASTER (cont d) According to the ATF, the couple refused to cooperate, then pulled out VERY BIG GUNS and started shooting everyone. The ATF had no choice but to shoot the insane couple, and now a standoff has ensued. Oooh! Looks like that CULT is about to be blown to tiny bits! Stan looks concerned. NEWSCASTER The ATF commander tells that he has reason to believe there may be children inside, and that they are the primary concern-- Wait a minute... Stan walks over to the window. He pulls back the curtains and looks outside - S POV - Tanks, soldiers, lights all poised at the house. (cont d) OH MY GOD!!! Stan rushes back to the TV. Dude! That s THIS house! They think OUR parents are the religious cult! DOUGIE Do you think someday I could be reporter? NEWSCASTER We just received a photo from the recon team, of the action INSIDE the house -- ANGLE - PHOTO - It s mackey s house - We see Stan standing at the window where he just was, looking out. He has a look of shock on his face. NEWSCASTER (cont d) Showing evidence that there ARE innocent children TRAPPED inside. Oh those sick cult-fanatic bastards! RESUME - boys in the bedroom. DUDE! BUTTER Hey, our par
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